The Adventures Of Shrink-Wrap Man by Chris Morin
Late one night two young workers were busy stocking
shelves at an office supply store. Unbeknownst to them, a natural gas
line had sprung a leak. When a warehouse worker lit a match to
smoke a cigarette, the store exploded. The two men, both wearing red
smocks, survived the blast but were transformed into the world's first
Office Supply Super Heroes.
This is the true story of the adventures of the continuing voyages of
amazing and the incredible heroic death defying Shrink-Wrap Man and
It was a Friday night; the workweek had come to
an end and the full moon shone bright in the sky. The signal blared on
the dashboard of the Supply Truck - the vehicle for Pencil-Vania's
fighting duo. The passenger looked at the alarm in horror.
"Look Shrink-Wrap Man, an alarm is going off at
"Don't mention that name Bubble-Wrap Boy,"
Shrink-Wrap Man. "We would have to pay the office supply superstore
and right now we can't afford it! There's not much money in crime
"Right boss," answered B-WB. "How could I be so
"Don't worry old chum," answered the elder crime
fighter. "But we must hurry to Stape- I mean the office supply
This town cannot be deprived of office supplies!"
The Supply Truck hurried along at its top
speed of forty-five miles per hour. Bubble-Wrap Boy, amazed that eighty
year old ladies driving Geo Metros were passing them like they were
still, could just scratch his bubbles in wonder.
"You know boss, we must work at getting a faster
vehicle! We're never going to get there in time!"
"What's the matter Bubbles, don't you like our
efficient electric Supply Truck?"
"Granted it does save us money in gas," replied
B-WB. "But what good is it if we are always late to catch the bad
"Call it saving the environment. Call it job
Either one will do," replied Shrink-Wrap. "Somehow I don't think we
will be late this time."
Ninety minutes later, the duo finally arrived at
the store. After neatly parking in one of the non handicapped spots,
S-WM and B-WB noticed a man in Dickies surrounded by a handful of
helpers loading stolen goods into a van.
"Hey you office supply outlaws," yelled Shrink-Wrap
Man. "Stop that despicable display at once."
The dubious Dickie draped degenerate turned toward
our heroes and pulled out his loaded tape guns.
"Now, why would we do that my old friend?"
Shrink-Wrap Man looked carefully at this strange
individual, puzzled with the familiarity of this man.
"You don't remember me do you Shrink-Wrap Man? I
remember you and I know who you really are. You weren't the only ones
in that building that night."
"What do you mean?" asked S-WM. "What kind of
nonsense is this?"
"I am Wicked Warehouse
Man and I was in the store the night it exploded! I hold you two
responsible for what I have become. It was you who damaged that gas
line with that two wheel hand truck I let you borrow to restock the
shelves that night. Now I will have my revenge!"
"Stop right there Wicked," ordered S-WM. "Put the
office supplies down and put your hands in the air!"
The evil Wicked looked at the duo. "Every day I
wish that explosion had taken my life. I am cursed to have to wear
these Dickies forever. The explosion has forever fused these ghastly
garments to my body. Do you know how chafed I have become? I have been
cursed with an affliction that will haunt your entire
existence. I have been chosen to be your life-long nemesis! Erasers,
care of Shrink-Wrap Man and Bubble-Wrap Boy!"
Just then WWM's henchmen, who were hiding behind
bags of packing peanuts, emerged and shot Shrink-Wrap Man with their
Glue Stick Guns. The crime fighter fell to the ground and was stuck in
pile of the convenient adhesive.
Unable to move, Pencil-Vania's most tardy
super hero was defenseless as the evil Erasers advanced on Bubble-Wrap
Boy. B-WB filled a dozen of his bubbles with methane straight from his
buttocks, and popped the bubbles with his hands. But the Erasers came
prepared. Each quickly
donned gas masks and then shot their Staple Guns at B-WB. The staples
into Bubbles, deflating his right side. Lopsided from his unevenness,
Boy fell to the curb. Three erases then tied B-WB's hands with large
bands as Shrink-Wrap Man watched in horror.
"Leave him alone you Mega-Store Maniacs," screamed
Shrink-Wrap Man. "You'll never get away with this!"
Shrink-Wrap Man got an arm free and started firing
his Shrink-Wrap gun. He hit two of the Erasers wrapping them up easily.
Wicked Warehouse Man could see the tide turning. He
knew that if Shrink could get his second arm free he would be stuck in
a real mess.
"Erasers, leave Shrinkie," ordered Wicked. "Throw
his bubbly friend in the van."
The evil Wicked Warehouse Man smiled at the hapless
helpless hero. "Oh don't worry Shrink-Wrap Man. We won't bust a single
bubble on his head. All you need to guarantee you chum's future
to bring me one million dollars. You have twenty-four hours. I will
you tomorrow night with the instructions on how we'll make the
If you fail to bring me the money, your friend will be baked alive in
new human sized shrink-wrap oven. Think of it Wrappy, your best friend
dying in an oven named after you. How ironic is that?"
With that, the Erasers threw B-WB into the back
of their van and slammed the door. Wicked Warehouse Man climbed
into the van and the evildoers drove away, leaving Shrink-Wrap Man only
day to save his friend. But hope was still alive. Bubble-Wrap Boy had
his homing beacon as a small trail of whiteout leaked from the van.
Man could now follow the trail to Office Maximus - Wicked Warehouse
To Be Continued...